What would you do?

I try to talk to my parents as often as I can..say maybe once in 2 days at the very least. They live in Jakarta, Indonesia which is thousands of miles from where I live.

Since I was a little kid and been taught that we should pray before bed, I always pray for God to give my parents a long and healthy life. This is almost like a everyday chanting before bed and in my first prayer list. LOL. I have always had this fear..a fear that I can't quite describe..a fear that someday my parents will be gone and I will be alone.. that thought always gives me chills and depression. I know...everyone dies one day, right? But, I just want to be selfish and don't want to lose anyone I love.

Few days ago I called home and as usual, I asked for my dad but he was away so I talked to my mom. Out of the blue, my mom started crying, telling me that something is wrong with my dad's heart, ..that my mom only got my dad and no kids or anyone else to help..my mom is still fighting her sleeping problem, bla bla bla. A feeling of terror and panick started to crawl and quite honestly, I did not know what to say to my mom. I did not know how to comfort her knowing that I was freaking out myself. Nevertheless, I tried to stay calm and told my mom that I'd call my dad right away.

Long story short...my dad said he is fine..the doctor said the test result said that his heart condition is better than last year. He said that his life is in God's hand so we just have to surrender to Him... *sigh*

What made me feel worse is..knowing that I cannot be there and be with my parents. Sometimes I wonder if I made a wrong decision by pursuing college degree in the US, away from my parents.

Now that I am married to my husband who is a US citizen, it has sealed the deal that my future is no longer in my home country.

What would you do? What should and can I do?

I just need to get this out of my chest...otherwise I will go nuts. I don't know if there is going to be a right answer to my situation. I just pray that God will take care of my parents because He is the only one who can do that... Amen..